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I want to give you an update on my journey through this work because I experienced something pretty remarkable earlier this week and even though usually I don't like to talk about myself that much I like to focus on the theory of the concepts I just don't feel like it would be right or authentic for me here to release an episode about some theory or concept and just ignore what happened to me earlier this week and there are going to be lessons here that you can draw for yourself and I think you can be illuminating to see myself also going along on the ride of this journey and not just preaching at you from the mountaintop which sometimes people get that sense because I'm just preaching preaching theory at you and it sounds as though like I got it all mastered and that's not at all the case I apply all the stuff that I talk about myself and of course I struggle to apply it to I don't apply it effortlessly so what happened with me earlier this week is that I became conscious of the ultimate nature of reality and it felt like hitting rock bottom as deep as it goes now I've gotten glimpses of the ultimate nature of reality in the past and it's interesting you know because people think of the ultimate nature of reality as being this okay so it's just one thing okay so you got it and that's it and you're done but it's not like that it's got many facets to it it's got many layers to it and it's such a gargantuan thing that you're realizing that it's difficult for the mind to understand it and it's so gargantuan that you're not going to understand it in one go one glimpse is not enough to understand it so I was thinking about how to explain this and the best metaphor I came up with is sort of like tasting honey so imagine if I gave you a little spoonful of honey and I let you look at just once so just one little lick that's what it feels like I had before and after this week it feels like I ate an entire jar of honey so I've got a much better sense of what it is and that's what I want to share with you here so what actually happened is that well to set this up is that over the last few weeks before this happened I was organizing I went back to a lot of my notes I started organizing my notes especially about epistemology and a lot of kind of deep topics that I want to talk about in the book that I'm that I'm outlining into the very early phases of this book that I want to write but I was organizing my thoughts for all this creating outlines and just getting stuff clear in my own mind and and then I published those couple of episodes about understanding absolute infinity part 1 part 2 where I have to go through and actually think through how to explain everything and so the interesting thing that happens that as you think about how to explain these things to other people or maybe just to yourself or you're taking notes on this it clarifies things in your mind and for me what it did is not only to just clarify things for me conceptually but it also it allows the mind then when it does have direct consciousness experiences mystical experiences in the future is that it allows the mind to easily inter connect the dots and then to to understand what it experiences because I think that a lot of people might experience absolute infinity or something like that or no self but then they don't know what the hell it was and it just feels like some very foreign alien weird thing and then when they come back to ordinary consciousness it's like well yeah that happened but it almost feels like a long forgotten dream and then they just forget about it and then go on with their life they don't realize the significance of what they saw because they could really make sense of it so what happened with me here is that these things got set up not intentionally just kind of accidentally just happened because I was working on this and then I took two hundred and twenty-five milligrams of al add not milligrams micro tramps 225 micrograms of ALS which is an analog of LSD a milder form of LSD and this is a really magical substance I've published trip reports about it in the past so I'm not going to go into a lot of depth here about what that is you can go look that up but but basically what it does is it takes your contemplation and your self inquiry on overdrive and it multiplies it by a thousand really quickly and this came on within 30 minutes and it was a really deep deep trip but it wasn't just like a trip where I was lying on the floor tripping it was a contemplation really I was sitting on my couch the whole time with my eyes open I didn't move anywhere because I knew that I was I was going to use this this moment here this heightened awareness to do my contemplating that's um that's usually how I trip these days and so as I was sitting there very effortlessly I passed through all the traditional boundaries that keep us in ordinary consciousness so the boundary of insanity the boundary of death the boundary of existence and non-existence all these boundaries I quickly broke through within 10 minutes and then what happened was that I entered the Godhead what is the Godhead the Godhead is like the heart of God you might say it's the heart of absolute infinity it feels like this infinite cosmic chain reaction which has been going on forever it's eternal and its scope is unimaginable in size it's beyond all measures of size it feels like you're entering into the middle of the Sun and you're just going deeper and deeper and it gets denser and denser and denser and it's just this denseness of infinity you going inside the singularity deeper and deeper and deeper maybe you might think of it as going inside a black hole but it doesn't feel dark it actually feels light and so maybe you could think of it as a white hole so I'm going into this thing and in there are contained all the possibilities of reality this is like the heart of reality this is if you think of the Sun you think inside the Sun there's the dense core where all the fusion and fission is happening but then stuff arises from that and then at the very surface of the Sun what you have is these sort of solar flares and these arcs where this energy kind of arcs up this plasma arcs up from the surface it comes out it can go quite a long way and then it comes back and it sort of loops back in and then it it re merges with the surface of the Sun again so if you want to think of this experience right here that I'm having or that you're having as an individual self right now if you just become a little conscious of what's happening right now this experience is wanted like one of those arcs shooting out from the Sun and so it feels like it's the sort of separate thing and it's got a certain form and it's got a certain shape to it and you don't understand how it could possibly fit in with with the singularity but then when you really pack in and then you go all the way inside that flare the particles in that flare you could just kind of imagine they circulate all through there that's sort of what happens it's sort of now go inwards whereas normally you're sort of oriented outwards as it's flare so I'm going inwards and I'm going deeper and deeper and deeper and it almost feels like I'm going inside this infinite headed Hydra where every human being and every living creature in the whole universe and beyond that this it's like a ball just like a ball of human beings and corpses and animals and all the sentient that like all of it you're just kind of like going through it and through it and through it and through it like I think about some of those war movies where they pile on human corpses and they're just like piles of human corpses and then they have a like one soldier buried underneath and he's trying to struggle his way out of all these corpses from world war ii or something like that you know it almost feels like that but not quite so bleak and dark not in a negative way it's just like it's filled with life it's teeming with all sorts of conscious beings you might say and so I'm just kind of like going into it and going into it deeper and deeper and as I'm going into it I realize there's no end to it there's no beginning or end there's no center because it's of infinite diameter if you imagine it like a big sphere it's the Sun of infinite diameter so you're never going to get to the center in fact where you are now is in a sense as much the center as anywhere else but nevertheless I'm going deeper into it in a sort of sense and this very interesting thing happens we're sort of like a little detour where I realize that now a window opens up where it's time to heal myself and so what happens this was not premeditated I didn't I didn't really intend to do this it just sort of felt right and it spontaneously happened about a window of ten seconds opened up where I just kind of like scan through my body up and down in a sort of sci-fi fashion and just like healing took place my entire body sort of healed itself from the inside out that's what it felt like now you might say well with that imaginary healing was it real healing what does it really mean he says it's a medical thing no it's it's sort of beyond any kind of rational understanding of what this is you really have to experience it for yourself and this was the first time that I experienced such a thing for myself as even a possibility to haven't even read about this really but it certainly connects nicely with what we know about mystics is that they have advanced mystics commonly report healing abilities so that's what I understood this to be but then about ten seconds later the window just sort of closed and I let it go and I kept going deeper into this singularity and what I realized then is that the substance of everything which is the ultimate nature of reality the substance everything that you see and that you've ever experienced is itself the substance is not physical this here it's not physical it's not made out of matter it's not energy even and it's not even consciousness or awareness this is not awareness really what it is it just is being and even to call it being isn't quite right because really it has no name that's the key inside that you realize that you can't name the substance of which reality is made it's just it irreducibly it and it's all one all of it is one this is the key understanding is that you cannot define the substance of reality in terms of anything because the thing you're defining it with is itself the substance so when you call it matter or energy or awareness or consciousness or you put any kind of label on it or you think of it in any terms of a kind of physical way or spiritual way material way all of that is not it you're missing it you're missing what the substance is and the closest thing to what the actual substance of it is is nothing so the substance of everything is nothing and all of it is non-dual I got a really strong palpable sense of this non duality and what I really realized was that reality is a strange loop what is a strange loop this is a concept from Douglas Douglas Hofstadter he wrote a couple of books a good lecture in BA and I am a strange loop and his whole theme is that he talks about these structures within mathematics within life within science within logic within the human mind where hierarchy sort of tangle and loop up on themselves that's a concept I'll cover in the future in a different episode because it's a pretty juicy and important concept but basically what it means is that to say that reality itself is a strange loop is that it's a vicious circularity you see reality has nothing to define itself against it has no ultimate standard or arbiter to ground it in anything and so therefore even ideas like existence and non-existence are circular and they don't really exist see and this is why it's so difficult to wrap your mind around enlightenment and if that it's impossible because the thing you're trying to understand is itself you're trying to use itself to understand itself and it just can't do that it can't grasp itself it's like Alan Watts talks about how a knife can cut everything but itself or and I can see everything but itself or a hand can grasp everything but it can't grasp itself it can't turn in on itself because it is itself well this is happening at the highest level of what all of reality is and the problem is when we do science or when we do philosophy or when we do any kind of religious cosmological thinking about all what is the nature of God know that none of that can work because you're using it to try to grasp it which isn't it and so there's this vicious circularity which is inherent to all of reality and when you see this circularity all distinctions collapse and breakdown and at that point you go into a sort of free fall and you fall into this Godhead where there are no distinctions at all really it's all one substance even the distinction between existence and non-existence no longer applies because that's also seen to be groundless and viciously circular and that is the ultimate nature of reality what it is is it's like a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat that's an image that occurred to me as I was going through this process is that that's that's the essence of reality that's the essence of consciousness work is that you are this cat and as you are doing the work and you think that you're going to unravel the work really the work ends up unraveling you and you realize that all of it has just been this one yarn the whole time this is what non-duality really means and I got a really a clear and full hit of this non duality and as I open my eyes sitting there on my couch I was completely aware that I was nothing and that all sentient beings all animals all humans and any other creatures or aliens that exist anywhere out there that they are all me and I was sitting there in my room and I was looking around and I saw and I clearly connected for the first time I clearly connected how what's happening right now in this finite room that I'm seeing is actually none other than absolute infinity itself so this is the insight that the Buddhists and the Hindus talked about where they talked about how form is formlessness and formlessness is none other than form the two are one and even though I'm talking about it here as though I would inside some singularity somewhere like I I flew off to some other dimension actually no when I opened my eyes that all of that was present right here and it's present here right now as I'm standing here that all of this is not happening to a human being it's sort of like what a human being is is a little bubble within this absolute infinite singularity in the same way that like if you imagine a bubble within the Sun like imagine an air bubble or a little vacuum bubble within the sun which kind of bubbles up to the surface and and then goes poof that's really what it's like to be a human it's to be this little bubble and that's what you're experiencing right now as you're sort of in this bubble and then this bubble really is not happening to anybody it's happening within nothingness its nature is nothingness and then that's what you ultimately are and that thing there doesn't exist nor not exist it has no properties no features it's just nothingness and what I realized also is that since I am all sentient beings and all sentient beings are one they're identical that I am also literally Buddha and Christ simultaneously and all the other mystics that have ever existed and so I stood there in my room I remember very vividly and I realized like yeah okay I am the Buddha this is what the Buddha this is exactly what the Buddha is was and currently is so it's not like the Buddha was some guy who lived 2,000 years ago or something like that it's like no the Buddha is exactly what's being conscious of what you're experiencing right now not in a metaphorical way literally because the Buddha was nothing Christ was nothing you're nothing every single living creature is nothing your dog is nothing your cat is nothing that is what's conscious of everything and that thing is one and that's what unites us all and really what it all is is it's just one being this infinite singularity it's not just one being it's like an infinite head Hydra and it can be anything that it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and infinitely creative so life is not something that is happening within your body life is happening across the board everywhere every single square centimeter of the universe is alive but of course we don't really see it that way because we're very human oriented and we're also very mammalian oriented and were biology oriented and we don't see the life throughout the the fabric of space itself but when you go into the singularity you you see that since everything is united in one that it all of it is alive there aren't parts of it that are and parts of it that aren't that's distinctions that we make in a relative fashion for scientific purposes and for just for human being purposes I also became acutely aware that non-existence is impossible and that there there's no thing there's nothing to fear about death because death is just death is here right now if you want to think of it that way you think that when you die you go somewhere you disappear to some void or some nothingness no that void is here right now that void is what's conscious of everything right now there is no other place to go you can't escape the all you can't escape infinity because infinity is everywhere there's no way you can escape it anywhere you are it already is anywhere you can be it's already been so existence is literally impossible and that's a pretty cool thing to realize about life change your attitude towards life and towards death and towards people and everything else I also have the insight that reality as a whole is is just this causal chain of creativity I could see that the causal chain of creativity goes down infinitely forever to the bottom like some scientists will say oh well our brain is is doing all the work all the neurons they're making us creative know every single one of those neurons do you not understand it's infinite it's got an infinite causal chain that goes down forever you are never going to get to the bottom of what makes that that neuron act like that neuron you could break it down to subatomic particles strings and below that and other dimensions and you will see you will never get to the bottom of it it'll keep going and going and going and going and going forever there's an infinite causal chain to everything to every thought that you have to all creative insights to enlightenment itself to your being to your sitting here and breathing and being alive it's an infinite causal chain of creativity that's the essence of this thing it's gargantuan it's beyond anything that that can that could sit within the little confines of science for example and that's it and I became aware of everything innocence everything has been understood and that was a very clear point that I reach where it felt like okay that's it this is it this is everything there is to understand about life and then this acute sense of my life is complete this is what I've wanted to know since I was basically a kid since I started doing philosophy when I was a teenager in college and then for the last five years or so since I've been doing consciousness work in pursuing life this is what I wanted to know and it wasn't even about me or Who am I or what am i or my own personal Lightman that's not really what I wanted what I wanted was I wanted to know what is the substance of all of reality and here I finally got it not just as a little glimpse but as a full-blown understanding where everything was clear where there were really no more questions left and that's it so let me talk about the after-effects so a couple of days past and various after-effects were happening of course I came back to ordinary consciousness after some number of hours the next day I was back into ordinary consciousness but there were lingering after-effects most importantly was that I retained my understanding of the truth and I retained it to this day because it's not a experiential thing which is happening right now it's not like I'm experiencing it it's more of like okay I understand it sort of like you understand why two plus two equals four you don't necessarily need to run through the proof every time you just once you get it you get it even though you might not be experience it right now I also now whenever I'm kind of going through my day even though I'm back to ordinary consciousness just when I'm interacting with stuff when I'm looking at my hands when I'm going to the bathroom when I'm cooking when I'm writing whatever I'm seeing that everything that I'm seeing around me is is not physical the substance here is not physical it's not colors it's not sounds it's non-dual it's a non dual substance and that's pretty cool my meditation has gone through the roof my ability just to sit and and then my mind starts to sort of focus on the non-duality of what's in front of me is it's quite remarkable although what's interesting is that I did experience some kind of ups and downs and there's sort of oscillation and even a little bit of depression after I came back because what I've discovered is that having these sorts of peak experiences or even any kind of breakthroughs in your personal development it works like an oscillation like a spring so the way that a spring works that it oscillates up that's when you have your peak or you have your insight or you have some breakthrough in whatever you're doing and doesn't necessarily have to be just enlightenment it could be in your business or in your art you have this breakthrough then as well as a spring would honestly then it has to come back down it doesn't come back down to baseline it comes back down lower right because it oscillates and then it sort of goes through this kind of sneaking motion until it evens out so it's just like a wave like this but then it it comes back to baseline although the new baseline is a little bit higher than the old baseline so what you're doing is you're having these the experiences and then you're gradually raising your baseline but you can never expect that your baseline is going to become your peak that's the mistake that people make and so it's all so natural with this model to understand that when you have your peak you're also going to have a little bit of a crash could be a epic crash or it could be a little crash you know it just depends on your situation and then it sort of reverberates like that over a couple of days maybe even a couple of weeks and then it smoothens out so that's a good lesson to keep in mind because that's such your expectations for what these things are going to do to you so you're not blindsided caught off guard by them so in a sense my meditation has skyrocketed but also in a sense I still notice just these minor agitations and frustrations and annoyances like sometimes they don't even just want to be sitting like one of the things I'll be talking about here in a second is I became extremely creative after this and so I have so much creativity that my mind is racing with with insights that I need to write down and so it's hard for me to just sit and just to observe reality and to meditate because I'm being so creative and so that creates some kind of annoyance and also just the idea that I have to sit there also there's this kind of like underlying layer of annoyance about it I don't know more so than it was in the past I'm sure that's a phase that I can just kind of push through but uh it has been bothering me a little bit so by no means am I in some sort of ecstasy or bliss as I'm walking around that has not happened I do have a sense of peace and especially I notice a sense of peace resulting from not seeking answers anymore I don't feel like there's any answer that I particularly need to get through any kind of inquiry and so in fact usually when I do inquiry I mean usually when I sit to meditate I actually do a form of inquiry but now I don't have anything to inquire about so for me now it's more about just meditation which is just being with the present moment it becomes very simple there's like no asking myself questions of who am i what am i what is the world what is reality what are sentient beings it's like no just sit there and notice that everything is already infinite it's more like that so that's I guess sort of the way that inquiry might progress if you're doing it right and you're having the actual answers I still notice very acutely my addictions and bad habits because they have not gone away don't expect your bad habits and addictions to be cured by these sort of existential insights I mean it could happen but not necessarily and most likely you'll need to work on those separately so I still have plenty of work to do as far as that goes creativity for me has gone through the roof because one of the things that sort of happened to me in this journey of going into this Godhead is that I realized the creativity of everything and I realize just how powerful the force creativity is and I sort of opened a channel it felt it felt like to divine creativity and that now is sort of flowing through me it was before but now I'm more aware of it and I'm more aware of just how how massive a force this is and so over the last week I've been very creative working on my book got a lot of stuff done had a lot of amazing insights that I'll be sharing with you in the future that I've been taking notes on and conceptualizing and making sense of so the creativity has been quite remarkable and my passion has also been as high as ever in fact after all this happened after these insights I felt like even though my life was complete now and there was nothing particular that I needed to do I was just passionate about sharing these insights with the world and I was just passionate about the creative process I'm getting more in touch with my own creative process in in ways that I sort of got out of touch with in the past and that has been a great experience although it is challenging to balance creativity with no mind or meditation for me that's been a big challenge for a while now and it still is even now because as I find my creativity Rises since my work is very conceptual and theoretical I'm thinking a lot about I'm thinking about that a lot and a lot of interconnections are being made a lot of stuff has to be written down and organized so I'm organizing ideas and concepts in my mind but as I'm doing that I am sort of in monkey mind mode in a sense and I'm not in that kind of still peace meditative zone and then when I'm being very creative all day and then I go to sit down and meditate for an hour that's challenging because that kind of transition is difficult to make us once my mind gets creative is just off on its own being creative and it's hard to put a stop to it and just be silent so I'm still struggling with how to reconcile those two one of the things that I noticed with with send people and Yogi's and such is that it's a lot easier just to focus on meditation alone like if you're living in a monastery or in a cave and you have no creative pursuits whatsoever you don't do any any kind of art or any kind of business you're not working with concepts you're trying to organize your your knowledge to share with other people that's a lot easier because you can just sit there with a blank line all [ __ ] day and if you're an artistic type of person then then good luck with that is all I'm saying now I'm not saying that the Zen masters and such and Yogi's can't be creative they can be creative but but my guess is that they compartmentalize those things well this is hard to do them both simultaneously to get into others way and then the last after effect that I really noticed is that I've I realized that I have entered into spiral dynamics stage turquoise it just occurred to me just dawned on you think oh yeah okay this is turquoise I'm in turquoise now and what turquoise is it's the recognition of non-duality the interconnectedness of all of life and yeah it's just it's like it's beyond systems thinking so systems thinking is still happening stage yellow is that a-- is at this level of where you're thinking about the world in a sort of analytical fashion or as stage turquoise is it's more at the level of being your being it you're feeling it you're more connected to it on an energetic level it's beyond just breaking things down into analytical systems the way that a academic or a scientist might do and it's it's it's seeing them the irreducibly mystical nature of all of reality so that's stage turquoise and I think stage turquoise is also tapping into the creativity that creative power of reality you know in a more direct sense in a much more conscious sense knowing where that power comes from opening those sort of channels and so yeah I was quite thrilled to enter that stage I hadn't really thought about stages in the past usually I would think of myself as a stage yellow kind of guy because I'm always thinking about systems and analyzing stuff for multiple perspectives but here it's kind of like feels like going to the next level now that doesn't mean that I'm in stage trick boys fully I still have remnants I think of the old stages within me that I need to work through there's still some orange in there there's still some green stuff to work through I'm still very much passionate about stage yellow but then say turquoise is really where it's at that's where you ultimately want to get to and the only way you're going to get there is through direct mystical experiences and having insights about the absolute nature of existence that's how you do it that's why stage turquoise people are so rare is because I think as far as you can go just using your logical conceptual mind is stage yellow and then to go beyond yellow you need to have these experiences for yourself so the question arises am i enlightened and the answer is no I don't want to say that I'm enlightened I don't feel like I qualify for for that classification because I think that what's missing is that even though I have the insight and the knowledge and the understanding I think that there's a further step that needs to happen which is that I'm missing the abiding non-dual awareness that I know is possible so I think that the the ultimate step would be to to be able to actually stand here before you and - I guess it's almost like to be permanently high to be permanently tripping so that you're actually seeing the non duality you're not just knowing it but you're actually it's like right here it's very powerful you're almost in a sort of ecstatic state I'm definitely not there I think that for that to happen I would need to do a lot more meditating and just being present with the moment not that I particularly any kind of insights but just to be present I already feel like I'm not like the human body I'm a little bit detached from it but I think like not totally so more work needs to be done there which leads us to the question of what's next well I think what's next for me is exploring stage turquoise more exploring creativity figuring out how to reconcile creativity and meditation I think what's next is a lot more meditating mm just sitting and doing nothing and just being with the present moment I really need thousands of hours of that is what I feel like but that's challenging because I'm working I got business responsibilities I'm writing a book I have a product that I want to release so there's like a lot of stuff that I want to accomplish so it's all about choosing priorities and and it's hard for me to justify sitting for ten hours a day just in pure meditation although I'm sure that would get very pleasant very quickly if I did that what's also next for me is organizing a lot of insights and knowledge that I have a backlog of for the world and then sharing that that's also what stage turquoise is all about is it's really about connecting with your life purpose and and making your life purpose sort of divine your deivanai viven izing your life purpose whereas before it was sort of just like okay yeah I'm helping the world maybe or I'm doing some good for my career and here it's like no it's like I am a force of God doing God's work with my life purpose it's sort of like that and by the way if you're wondering like oh how do i reconcile a life purpose with enlightenment work there's nothing to reconcile the two are two sides of the same coin your life purpose and your enlightenment will fit together perfectly if you get them right and the one will fuel the other and it doesn't matter if your life purpose is teaching people or making art or making music or running a business or whatever it is it doesn't have to be teaching people your enlightenment will still dovetail with your life purpose what else is next for me is more research and more learning I still feel like there's a lot of stuff that I want to learn and to research for the purposes of teaching it and also these are more minor relative insights so these are not absolute things that I'm researching these are just relative insights there's a lot of stuff within the mystical and spiritual domain and within science and philosophy and history in other places that when a research and kind of cobble together as I'm doing my work for the purpose of my life purpose but also just because I'm naturally curious about them what's more is more tripping I found that al add is the most effective tool for contemplation even more so than five Meo DMT because five M to meö is just it's extremely powerful it's all it's overkill really and it's it's too short to contemplate anything serious you're just getting a little taste of the honey you're not able to eat the whole jar I mean unless you do it constantly I guess but the AL ad is more gentle and I love it because I get to sit there for four hours and just contemplate the hell out of everything that I want to and it's very very very productive for me so that's my go-to tool these days not to say that I'll never do five M you know but I like the sort of gentleness of al-lat and I can still go just as deep what else is next for me is more personal development there's still a ton of stuff that I want to work on in myself that is sub-optimal like I said bad habits addictions annoyances emotional disturbances of all that stuff is still there and you better believe that it will be there for you even after enlightenment all that [ __ ] will still be there you're going to have to work on it so don't be thinking that enlightenment somehow makes personal development obsolete or that you if you're pursuing enlightenment then you shouldn't be doing personal development no you need to be doing both because they're both going to be necessary you can't avoid doing just regular old fashioned personal Network so what are the lessons quickly for you firstly it's that the most important question you really want to be asking if you're an existential thinker like I am is what is the substance of reality that's even more important than who are you what are you what is the substance of everything this stuff here what's it all made out of you should be wondering about that every spare minute of your day another lesson for you is that conceptual understanding is very helpful when you're trippin so sometimes we talk about concepts in this work as a bad thing like all concepts concepts are terrible they keep us from the truth yes and also no because people who don't have the right conceptual foundations are not able to make sense of it of the truth and they're not able to make sense of their trips and so for me the more I understand conceptually the better I organize my own knowledge through note-taking and thinking about it in a sort of ordinary fashion then when I do experience these deep things then I can make sense of them and then also I can talk about them so I think one of the most important things you can do if you're having enlightenment experiences mystical experiences in your meditation practice whatever is right about it journal about it talk about to somebody because as you're trying to articulate it to yourself or to somebody else you're also clarifying it in your own mind what it is and that helps it to stick and then that helps to lay the foundation for the next experience you're going to have and the next one in the next one so you're sort of gradually layering this stuff like almost like layers of cement right you need to gradually layer the cement it has hardened then you put another layer on another layer and that way you can develop yourself very high another lesson for you is think through what the grounding for anything is this is related to this issue of the substance of reality so how any substance ground any substance because what you need to ultimately realize that it's all circulars the vicious circle is a strange loop it's a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat there is no substance there can be no grounding that is the essence of reality is that is a thing which can have no ground because it is itself and there's nothing outside of itself to ground it that's the key insight but you've got to grasp it very deeply with your whole being not just with your intellect so spend some time thinking through that on paper like ask yourself the question what grounds the difference between existence and non-existence because if you're like an ordinary person you think that there's existence and there's non-existence but why do you think that does the difference between existence and non-existence actually exists or does it not exist or neither think through that just using your ordinary logic to see that your logic starts to break down and then that will set you up for having the right kind of insight future another lesson for you is make sure that you hone your desire to know the truth this is one of your key weapons in this work is to have a genuine a very genuine authentic desire for the ultimate truth you have to want to know not to improve your life but for it sounds like you want to know because you want to know because you want to know because consciousness wants to know itself and your consciousness and you just want to know don't underestimate how powerful just that desire is purify it let it guide your life let it set your priorities let it tell you what to do let it tell you when to trip let it tell you when to meditate to contemplate that can do a lot for you cut through a lot of [ __ ] another lesson for you is that creativity and enlightenment fit together perfectly now I just said that meditation creativity can be at odds with each other that's true but creativity and enlightenment can fit together perfectly in the sense that once you have these deep mystical experiences then it really frees you up to be creative in a non detached way and it opens up these channels for you so if you're an artistic type of person if you enjoy being creative if you want to have a big impact on people with your creativity and you want your creativity to be more effortless and not so neurotic and strained and filled with ego and all that then enlightenment is like the perfect thing for you watch what happens with your creativity when you start having these experiences it's going to be amazing it's going to be levels of creativity it's going to be so much creativity you're going to be at a loss of words and you're not going to know how to get it all down on paper so much creativity infinite divine creativity it's remarkable you're going to feel like a vehicle of God doing God's work with your art or with whatever and the final lesson for you is that if you still have any doubts there's nothing more worthwhile than this work there's nothing more worthwhile than the truth it is by far hands down the most powerful and the most significant thing that can happen to your life it'll transform your entire life and it will take you to levels of development that you never imagined possible that you don't see other people around you generally having in society it'll put you sort of into a category of your own and while that might feel a little lonely sometimes or whatever in the end it's totally worth it so if you're sitting there and you're struggling to self inquired to contemplate and you don't know why you're not getting the results well just keep in mind that you're after a very big thing here this is a very big thing very big prize so you're not going to get it cheaply or easily might take you some years of struggle to get there in the meantime just keep telling yourself that it's going to be worth it have that sort of faith and doesn't have to be blind faith but it just has to be a lil you guy mean you can use a little logic here as well I mean I'm not just standing here bullshitting you this stuff is life transforming and I wish that I could communicate the full emotional power of this stuff better but it's just not possible because this is something you have to experience for yourself that's it I'm out of here please click the like button for me post your comments down below share this with a friend and come check out actualize org I have my blog which I've been posting a lot of insights on lately the forum life purpose course book list more resources coming in future and stay with me for next week with more episodes you